Wednesday
my subtle protest
i was asked to train the new staff when she comes. i pointed out that in the last final review, staff of my level is not suppose to train. even when i train i don't get any recognition. so why do i want to that? all the effort on my part for nothing.
what's the point?
give me a good reason why i should do it?
princess maddie.
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Friday
helpless and hopeless
it's quite a while since i felt so helpless and hopeless. I'm practically going around begging for people to help me with my new "ECA" so I can go on leave to perth.
the most help i've received is from people that is not from my team.
check out the meaning of the word teamwork.
i spit on that
princess maddie.
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Wednesday
i was looking forward to the reflections. *man!*
the band had a video session downstairs. we are trying put things in place - super stressful.
So just so many things at one time.
1. Focus on God and his movement
2. Being a good platform for the worship leaders to lead worship
3. Obey WL- esp when i don't quite understand why certain decision was made
4. Remember arrangements of the song.
5. Sound of the band as a whole, which also includes - Layering *new* shouldn't be playing what i used to play
6. Comments of Valerie and Daphne.
This is just on top of all the chords. It's really stressful. And occassionally, WL asking, if i;m going to play like Daphne.
Faints!
I really think I'm going crazy ...
Sometimes, we strive so hard to play perfect music but the most perfect thing that god wants is just our hearts.
and
Balances is the hard-ESt to reach.
princess maddie.
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Sunday
=solid ground - my journey=
receive the letter from nus-duke last week on the admission. nope, i didn't get it... sob!
well it's not only about the sad looking mcat scores ( i never failed a test like that i did for mcat) but mainly on the little research experience. was planning to retake my mcat on 30 jan and already i was rejected. i guess it's really just time to move on. Yeah - send me lots of hugs and kisses, please!!!
on retrospective
praying about the craziest things in life. i remembered praying in church just before the last mcat test (yeah the one i did badly) for god's will be done. if it was meant to be. it was disappointing to receive the poor scores and lots of questions on whether or not to ask people to write letter of referrals. it was really 2nd chance to know that i can re-take the mcat again to better my scores. yes, i studied my ass off ... thru taiwan, birthdays, christmas and new year ...
I am still glad i did it. It's like a childhood dream to do it but more importantly, my faith grew quite a bit. imagine gg to office - working and coming home to study. it's crazy thankful for the strength from god to sustain my sanity thru it all. to me - it's more valuable than anything else. =o)
god didn't say that he would provide what we want but i believe that god will provide what we need. maybe what i want is to have a meaningful job (meaningful and purposeful are really impt to me) and what i really need to know is that i am a child of god and always loved by him.
i'm really thankful
no! i'm not gg to reapply. think about it -
to get science research experience
-> job in lab
-> to do that, i have to prolly get a related degree in science.
--> weird!
it's time to move on.
Frankly, it's really bored right now. Not much directions in life and then again i'm a little lazy ... BORED. screaming out - BORED!!! .. I'm have the reuben germs - must have things to do and challenges to face ..
yeah, till then, i'm bored but it's a happy bored thingy..
princess maddie.
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Wednesday
What though the radiancewhich was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of
splendour in the grass,of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
William Wordsworth
The Compete Poetry of William Wordsworth
princess maddie.
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Saturday
i got my mcat grades and it suck. it's caculated in percentile and compared globally. the grades were terrible. percentile was the range of 2.5-5.5 / 15. it's crazy i tell you. now my concern - should i even want to try applying for the course when i know that i might not even get in.
princess maddie.
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Sunday
sigh.
swamped with work. it's just so frustrating. doing projects with my other coll. Have to learn new stuff to cover some of them and i still have to do my own work. after doing my daily stuff - i still have the learn stuff. unlike other ppl, my coll is going on leave on wed. i have to cover her - still learn so many stuff and do other stuff. swamped with so much to learn and work at the same time.
taking as learning lesson - i feel more like dumping lesson. just throw to u.
feel made used of.
princess maddie.
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